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♪ Stars shining bright above you ♪
♪ Night breezes seem to whisper, "I love you" ♪
♪ Birds singin' in the sycamore tree ♪
♪ Dream a little dream of me ♪
♪ Sweet dreams 'til sunbeams find you ♪
♪ Sweet dreams That leave all worries behind you ♪
♪ But in your dreams, whatever they be ♪
♪ Dream a little dream of me ♪
Matt Rife!
What's up, Charlotte? Good to see everybody.
What the fuck are you wearing, dawg?
What?!
I thought you were Cam Newton for a second.
Charlotte, you never know.
What's up? Fig Newton, man. My boy. Good to see you, man.
Goddamn Shaboozey in the building, man.
The boots, though.
Can I see one? People in back can't see. Can I show them?
Oh, you gotta see this shit, bro!
Oh my God!
This shit right here!
Oh my God!
You look like if you click your heels together three times,
you go back to Atlanta.
- This is fucking wild!
Black dudes' dicks are so big, even their shoes curve.
That's crazy to me, dude.
Congratulations, man. Where do you get something like that?
- It's a gift. That's a gift?
Fire that friend, immediately. That is fucking crazy.
Dressed like Santa's favorite elf, man.
- This your boy? Yeah.
- Both from Atlanta? - Nah, I'm from South Carolina.
- Oh, I love South Carolina. What part? - Uh, Winnsboro.
Winnsboro? Uh oh. White people are groaning.
Which probably means it's a great time, if I'm being honest.
We in the woods. We 30 minutes from Columbia.
You're speaking to me in full South Carolina right now.
You are making this white man very uncomfortable right now.
Chill out there, dude.
He got a watch on and everything. He's like, "Should've worn sleeves, fuck."
This is a good friendship. You stick together.
But be a better friend,
tell him not to wear that bullshit anywhere else. You understand?
And I don't fucking to--
- This motherfucker's skiing inside.
Your shoes got tusks.
- That's crazy to me. He said...
You kn-- You knew it was gonna get called on.
- That's an even better, but shitty friend. He warned me.
His boy pulled up to the house
in the boots...
...and he was like,
"Oh!"
"You 'bout to kill 'em!"
You set his ass up so much, man.
And that's a good friend.
Damn it, that's a good friend, man.
Good to see y'all. Thanks for being here.
I wanted to come back, shoot this special in Charlotte,
'cause I've been performing in this club since I was 16 years old.
- So this is a very special place for me.
It-- Well...
Well, you know, you guys weren't there.
So, totally okay.
It's all right. I know everybody was very busy until two years ago.
It's totally okay.
I have so many fond memories here.
People in Charlotte, you somehow always and never disappoint at the same time.
So, I wanted to come get to know you guys a little bit.
I'm curious, who has been to one of my shows before? Anybody?
Yep. That's everybody who was here before. Okay.
I'm like, "That checks out."
No, I can work with that. Was it here in Charlotte you saw me?
Yeah. - It was?
- Way back then? Bojangles.
- Bojangles? Yeah.
Was I performing in a Bojangles?
Jesus Christ. Someone's like, "Don't choke."
You're like, "Have you had the biscuits? It's hard not to."
That's awesome. Thanks for coming back. That's so cool.
This show is going to be completely different
from anything you've seen live or on Netflix before, um...
If you've seen one of my shows,
I perform an hour, hour and 15 minutes, usually, for that long of a show.
Out of that hour-15, I do maybe ten minutes of crowd work.
It's a small part, what you see online, compared to what we tour the country with.
This show is gonna be different, it's an entire crowd work special.
This is just me and you.
I don't know what you're gonna say. I don't know what I'm gonna say.
I want you to be aware, you are equally at fault for how this goes as am I, okay?
I'm excited to get to know you guys a little bit.
As much as this is gonna be a crowd work special,
I do wanna stick with one theme,
and that theme for the night is gonna be "dreams."
I've chosen this theme because it's very special to me,
considering it's not lost on me at all
that I'm one of very few people who gets to live their dream.
I'm so fucking blessed for that.
But I know I'm not alone in that process.
That's the one thing all of us do have in common, right?
Every person in this room has a dream or some kind of aspiration,
and it doesn't matter where you fall.
Whether you've achieved your dreams
or you still live in Charlotte, it doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter where you fall, as long as you're chasing something.
Life is about the pursuit,
and I'm so happy this is the pursuit that, uh, went well for me, man.
I started stand-up when I was 15,
so it's easy to assume this is all I wanted to do.
That's not true, I had other aspirations.
Before I wanted to be a comedian, all of middle school,
I thought I was going to join the military.
That was my big thing.
We would've lost every war ever.
You guys are very welcome that this worked out instead.
But it's all I ever grew up with.
A lot of times, you're a product of your surroundings.
I come from four generations of Navy, so I thought I'd do the same thing.
- Yeah, well, Old Navy, so not really...
Got a couple locations, I appreciate it, though.
Thank you.
They are all military, my family. That's all I saw growing up, you know?
I saw the original Top Gun movie when I was like 11 years old.
I found out what a fighter pilot was,
and I was like, "Fuck yeah. I wanna be gay."
- You know? I didn't even know...
Didn't even know that was an option, you know what I mean?
I wanted it bad too.
All of middle school, I was going to air shows.
I was reading every book about every airplane ever made.
I was autistic for like four and a half years.
I feel like I'm a better-rounded person because of that chapter in my life.
Just fucking wanted it. I was really passionate about something.
That dream came to a halt in fucking ninth grade.
Second week of freshman year, I had to get glasses.
Aww. - Found out my vision was just fucked.
As you can imagine, to be a fighter pilot, you have to have beyond perfect vision.
So that was never gonna happen. I'd be a terrible pilot.
I would've missed both those towers.
I don't have it in me. I...
I lack depth perception,
and that's why we're here tonight, living this dream instead.
So I just wanna say be patient.
You don't know what's down the pipeline.
You don't always know what's meant for you.
So as much as you'll learn more about me tonight,
I wanna get to know you 'cause I know I can't be the only person in this room
who really strives for something that might seem impossible.
So I'm curious, to start tonight's show,
if there's anybody here in this audience
who's chasing a dream that, on paper, probably seems impossible or ridiculous,
and people try to discourage you from pursuing it,
but you're like, "Fuck that, it's what I wanna do more than anything."
"It's what I know I'm meant to be here to do."
"I'm gonna give it 1010%."
I'm curious, of this show tonight,
if anybody has a dream that they're chasing at this very moment.
Woo!
- Nope? Okay, fantastic.
No, that's actually great. No, that's good.
- You have a current dream you're chasing? Yeah, I am.
What's your dream?
Right now, I'm managing my mom's "You Blow Me" company.
She teaches--
Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on, I've...
I've seen this website before.
Hold on. You manage this?
She teaches women how to give blowjobs.
Is that a real thing? - Yes!
Get the fuck out of here!
I swear. She's right over there. Ask her.
- Your mom's over here? Yes.
Well, hello.
Well, uh...
Before we dive into anything, where's Dad?
At home! At home!
- He's not here? Not here!
- It can't be that good.
Can't be that good. I'm just saying.
Eh...
I mean...
He's not here 'cause I wore his ass out.
This motherfucker is at home like one of those anti-weed commercials.
Just sunken and deflated into the couch.
Okay.
There's so many different directions to go with this. Um...
How did--
How did you---
When did you know you were, like, GOATED?
Does that make any sense?
When did you know you had the technique down?
When did you know?
Probably when I was 17.
Talk to me about this business you run.
Is this a website? Is it a class? Is it...
It is an online video.
- A tutorial? A tutorial.
- Okay. - It's a 17-minute video.
- Ooh.
Then it can't be that good, you know?
There's just no way.
There's no way. This shit...
This should be a two-and-a-half-minute video, tops.
Man!
- Okay. - I turn people into three-minute miracles.
"Three-minute miracles." Okay.
Happily married for 26 years.
I believe that.
I don't have to cook.
I don't have to clean.
You don't cook, you don't clean? Okay, Cardi B, chill the fuck out.
I had to watch her suck it.
You what?
You've seen your mom on the dildo?
I'm the manager.
You are acting like South Carolina right now,
and I'm trying to wrap my head around this.
Um...
It's, uh...
Okay.
Okay, I totally forgot what you said your dream even was after this.
What was it again?
I wanna sell houses, but this is just a good starting point.
Well, listen, I guarantee you can close on any house.
If you really are dedicated as the, uh... as the realtor.
- You wanna do real estate. Yeah.
- Wonderful. How old are you? - Twenty-two.
Twenty-two. Okay. You in college?
I just graduated. - Where from?
Coastal Carolina.
Oh...
Okay.
No, that's-- It's a school.
- That's-- Yeah.
- What did you study there? - Marketing.
How do you market a dick-sucking class?
"Check it out, it's nuts!"
Like what-- Like how--
What's the marketing strategy?
Experience. She taught me.
I've never been this hard this early in a show in my entire life.
Like, thank God I'm sitting down.
I'd be-- I'd be tucked in my fucking belt right now, dude.
- So, Mom? Yes.
What were you doing before this was a job?
I-- You're gonna--
Come? Yeah, I might.
I might.
- We owned an ice cream truck company. - You owned an ice...
I've seen that video before. I've seen that video.
You really went a different direction.
Before that, I sold sex toys. I did home parties for sex toys.
Okay. So the ice cream truck was out-of-pocket for you.
That's why.
That-- That's where you strayed, actually.
Did you used to sell, um... Did you ever sell Sybian machines?
- No. - You guys know what they are?
No.
- You don't know what it is? No!
I'm about to fuck y'all up, dude.
Are you serious?
I'm actually so honored I get to be the one to tell you what this is.
Okay. All right.
- Take a seat. Hold on.
Okay. So it's...
It's a sex toy, right?
And at the base of it is a... is a motor, right?
And I'm not exaggerating, picture a V12 engine.
Like, it is a fucking brick of machinery, dude.
It is like this, as a-- as a-- as a motor, right?
So, then there's the battery,
and off the end of the battery is like a metal arm, right?
Like a foot, foot-and-a-half long, and at the end of the arm is a...
Dildo, it's called? Yeah, right? Got it. We're all following so far, right?
So then a woman, usually...
Doesn't discriminate.
...will sit at the base of the arm
like such...
...and then a dude in a lab coat throws a lever, Frankenstein-style,
and this machine just goes...
And then women wonder why we can't make them come.
Who made that?
I mean, who was just getting fucking piped down,
and was like, "Not enough horsepower."
I couldn't believe
the sex toys that fucking exist.
You guys are very welcome, add that your Amazon wish list.
Oh my goodness.
If you had to give one piece of blow job advice,
what would you be like--
What's the thing that's missing, that every girl should be doing? This.
When you give a blowjob,
use lubricant.
Hold on, what kind of lubricant?
He's shaking his head, "Yes."
He's gay, okay?
It's true.
Gay? I knew it.
I knew it.
Yep.
I knew a good-looking guy when I fucking saw one, man.
He uses his parents' tears.
Ooh! - Kidding! Kidding! Kidding.
Shut up.
God. So kidding, so kidding.
You look fucking fantastic.
Fascinating. I am fucking--
I don't even know what we're talking about anymore.
Dreams.
Dreams, yeah. I'm living one right now.
This is... This is fantastic.
In the back.
She raised her hand. Go to school.
What is your dream?
Uh, after COVID, had to realign,
I am going to school to be a special ed teacher.
- No way! That's incredible.
Okay.
Okay-- So specifically special needs teacher?
Yeah. - Okay.
Uh, why, specifically, special needs?
Well...
Easier?
I mean...
Earlier lunch? You know, whatever. There's-- There's definitely perks.
What about that specifically? You could teach any subject.
I needed healthcare, and so I went to--
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute.
You're doing it for the perks?
I like you already.
That's strong-minded right there.
Okay, you needed healthcare.
Now, what age group of special needs students are you going to teach?
Uh, K through five.
- K through five. So the very beginning? - Yes.
How do you even really know
somebody's special needs before fifth grade?
Especially kindergarten, you know? Like, you never really know.
I know you can't say names, but do you have a favorite student now?
Yeah, my daughter.
Oh my God.
What a subtle burn, dude.
Is your daughter special needs?
She's thinking about it.
Wow.
They usually don't do that.
So that's fantastic.
Totally...
Daughter, how old are you?
I'm 24.
Okay.
Okay, that's good. She knows her age. Okay.
What do you do right now?
I'm a behavioral therapist.
That's...
Okay, so the ones she can't teach, she puts off to you.
I love this. I love this.
Now, was this your dream career?
- No. No? Fair enough. Fair enough.
That's amazing.
You support your mom's dream of helping teach special needs students?
Of course. I used to work in her school.
Really? Doing?
Uh, personal needs assistant.
You know what? As fun as this is to joke around about,
you're doing incredibly noble things, very selfless, helping a lot of people.
- Thank you very much for doing that.
That is awesome.
That is so cool, man.
Okay, so now we met somebody who's at the beginning of chasing their dreams.
Does anybody feel like they're actively in the process of living that dream?
Boom. - Uh oh.
Okay. All right.
Off the top, you're already the white version of him.
I wanna be very aware of the crowd. Okay.
Okay, what's your dream?
I'm a stay-at-home dad.
Stay-at-home dad.
Nice, dude.
Yeah, you got dick on you for sure, man.
She letting that slide?
For sure. How many kids do you have?
A little boy and a... a girl.
It took you a minute.
He didn't choose their pronouns yet. Let's be patient. Let's be patient.
How old are they?
Uh, nine months, this Thursday, and an 11-year-old.
- You have a nine-month-old? Yeah.
You shouldn't be here right now, dude.
- Is that the wife and mom? - Yes.
Okay, I wanted to make sure. I never wanna...
Charlotte, you never know.
Now, you have to be in a good position to allow him to be a stay-at-home dad.
What do you do?
Interventional radiology.
- What?
Wait, hold on. Hold on.
Those are two very different words.
So radiology, like X-rays and stuff, right?
- Fancy X-rays. Fancy X-rays, got it.
-"Intervention"? Yeah.
Does that mean a group of people, you get them to go into a room like,
"Fucking get in there"?
How do you do an intervention radiology?
She assists people that save lives.
She can speak for herself, okay?
- She spoke before, right? - Right!
You the woman of the house, okay?
When we out here, she runs shit, all right?
Okay.
Ma'am.
- Break it down for me. What is it? - It's minimally invasive surgery.
Minimally invasive surgery. Having a cyst removed, that kind of thing?
No, like going in through tiny holes with catheters up to people's brains.
Hold on. You can run a catheter to your brain?
It can go from your dick hole?
Isn't that a catheter?
That's a Foley catheter. - A what?
- That's a Foley catheter. A Foley catheter.
Where does the other one go?
In through your arteries.
Oh, so in, like, a vein.
Up to the brain.
Got it. Okay.
I was about to say. Goddamn!
They gonna need a bigger needle, am I right?
Ha! Ha!
Ha!
Okay.
Okay, so just a little invasive.
Working in the medical field pays well?
That makes-- That makes a lot of sense.
I love that you do that, helping other people.
Nurses are some of my favorite people. Love them.
What were you doing before you were a stay-at-home dad? Pulling out?
- What were you actually doing? - Truck driver.
Truck driver? Oof. Okay.
- Cross-country or local? - Local.
So was it your idea for him to be stay-at-home dad,
or was he like, "We should cut back on a babysitter, let me chill"?
It just made more sense that way.
I love that you're okay.
Very progressive, by the way. Men always feel overly-masculine--
- I'm a child. - You're a child?
You do look like you outgrew that shirt, like, after showing it.
We got this last year too. This is not an old shirt.
- That's a new shirt? Yeah.
Button it.
Oh, no, dude.
Oh shit!
His knuckles are turning white, dude. This is so bad.
Congratulations on your third, by the way.
There it is!
Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!
Ah!
I love it.
Yeah, make yourself comfortable, man.
Let them titties breathe, man.
You're doing the right thing, man.
I wish you the best. What a happy, functional family.
Did not expect to find this in North Carolina.
Congratulations.
Anybody feel like they're in the middle of living their dream?
They are currently, now? You had your hand up first.
Yeah.
What are you doing? What's your dream that came true?
I'm a pilot.
Ooh. Okay.
What airline?
I'm not saying.
That's the "Spirit." I'm sure.
Yeah.
Mm.
If it was United or Delta, she would've said that, you know?
Mm.
Suspicious. Is it commercial or private?
- It's airline. Airline? Okay. All right.
This was always your dream growing up? Always?
Yeah. - How long does it take to become a pilot?
Depends on your motivation and what route you go.
There's so many ways you can go.
What was your motivation? Let me ask you that first.
Um, I wanted to get to the airlines as fast as I possibly could, so I got--
Have you tried TSA PreCheck?
What's the quickest route to the airlines?
Blowjob.
I didn't say that. I didn't say it.
I believe you earned your spot.
- I do believe that. Thank you.
So what was-- What was-- What was the actual...?
What was the quickest route to the airlines for you?
There are some programs that can get you the main ratings you need in nine months.
Then you have to get 1,500 flight hours.
What airplane can you practice on?
- Can you do crop planes? Does that count? - Yep.
- That can count? - Yep.
That should not count.
That's like getting your driver's license, "I've been riding my bike for years."
"I imagine it's the same thing."
You can actually solo an airplane at 16 years old. By yourself.
No fucking way. - Yeah.
- You can get a pilot's license at 16? - No, you can just fly it solo.
Really? - Yeah.
You'd think more people would've got off that island.
Fucking awesome, as somebody who had their pilot dreams immediately squashed.
- Fucking awesome. I'm jealous. - You can still do it.
- I can still do it? - Yep.
- You don't have to have perfect eyesight? - If you wanna be a fighter pilot, sure.
No, you don't have to, as long as it's correctable.
Oh, so I'd have to get Lasik or something.
Or glasses, contacts.
I'm not gonna trust a pilot with glasses.
I'm just not going to, I'm sorry.
Then you don't wanna look up into the flight deck.
If it's not Spirit Airlines, I don't think I have to worry about it.
Let me ask you this, though. Were you...
Was there ever a plan B?
If you weren't a pilot, were you planning anything else?
I worked in marketing for six months, and I said, "Absolutely not. No more."
You worked in marketing?
Mm.
You've ruined that job...
...for everybody else in this show.
Damn. Congratulations. I love this.
We've got someone actively living a dream,
and somebody who's actively pursuing a dream, at the very beginning of it.
Does anybody feel like
they missed an opportunity to achieve a dream?
They now do something else.
You might have a flourishing career, but ultimately it's not what you wanted,
you feel like you had an opportunity back in the day and it just didn't happen.
- Missed opportunity. Yes.
Back row, right here, my man.
It's unfortunate, but if I was a girl, I wanted to be a pole dancer.
Really bad.
I'm sorry I called you gay.
I'm so sorry.
That's gay, dude.
Did you say, if you were a girl,
you would have liked to have been a pole dancer?
- Yes, absolutely. - You still c-- You still can.
You've never seen Magic Mike or something?
Yes, sure. Clearly, I'm not Magic Mike.
Oh, no, I disagree, man.
I still think you could jump headfirst into this job.
What are you doing now?
Right now I work in finance. It's boring as fuck.
That's not fun at all.
Doesn't pole dancing seem a little bit more fun?
Have you been to a male strip club before?
I prefer female strip clubs.
- 'Cause you respect the athleticism? - Yes.
Fair enough.
No, no, that fucking-- That works.
And they have good brunches.
That is the last place you wanna find a hair in your food, dude.
Do not eat at a strip club, dude.
Come on!
Listen, I'm on the same page as you.
I respect the hell out of strippers. I do.
Strippers, I get.
A strip club doesn't do it for me.
I'm a shitty person to go to a strip-- I don't spend any money at all.
I'm just not impressed with the environment, you know what I mean?
To spend a dollar in a strip club,
I would need to see these girls on a full American Ninja Warrior course.
That's what it would take.
I'll make it rain when you get to the top of that salmon ladder, how about that?
You got these girls butt-naked, with just heels on, like...
"It wasn't called the salmon ladder till she got on it."
Ooh!
And then for--
And then-- And then for the big finale, they gotta run up that warped wall
to win the...
GED, or-- I don't know.
I don't know what they'd need for it.
That would spice things up to me.
Maybe we can bring in an extra element to the strip club.
That could be so fun.
Have you ever, like, brainstormed a stripper name?
Yeah.
- What would you go by? - Brandy Jameson.
Brandy Jameson?
Is that two alcohols?
Yes.
You put some thought into this. I love that.
I-- I say you go for it. How old are you?
Thirty-four.
Yeah, you missed it.
- All right. Okay, never mind.
That is...
That's 40 in gay.
You're 34? You look fantastic, dude.
Don't tell me that.
No, you look great. We should all get more facials.
You look great, dude.
You look incredible, man. Congratulations, brother.
Listen, if that's a passion of yours,
and you can appreciate the environment and the art form,
I say you go for it. I really do.
Okay, I want to pivot just slightly.
I wanna talk about a different kind of dream.
Because we've tackled enough aspirations for the evening.
'Cause aspirational dreams aren't your only dreams, right?
You dream every night in your sleep. We all have sleep dreams.
Minus me. I'm a terrible sleeper. It's why I wanna talk about this.
I sleep so little, I rarely get a chance to remember my dreams.
When I do, they never make any sense. And they're usually nightmares.
I always have scary dreams, reoccurring too.
I have-- I have the teeth falling out dream a lot.
Yes. - You guys have that one?
Oh, thank God, dude.
When people have never had it, you sound like a psychopath.
If you've never had this dream before, you'll be having a regular dream, right?
And your teeth will just start falling out of your mouth.
Take your tongue, press it to the back of your top teeth.
That little pressure makes your teeth just Tom and Jerry out of your mouth.
You're sloshing them around in your mouth. It's disgusting.
I'll tell you how fucking crazy I am.
I started to have that dream within the dream.
So usually you wake up...
...check for your teeth, still there. Like, "Oh, thank God."
I started to have it within the dream. I'd wake up...
Grab for my teeth, they'd still be gone.
I'd wake up again...
...check again, they'd finally be back.
I'm so crazy, my brain was like, "You not gonna get used to this."
That's what fascinates me about dreams 'cause I started to read books
on the subconsciousness of what your dreams could possibly be about.
That one, specifically, is usually chalked up to stress.
Uh, stress about money, more specifically.
I also heard it means you secretly want to be able to suck dick better.
So, I mean, in theory, that couldn't hurt.
How could it? There's no teeth in there.
So I'm curious, has anybody ever had a similar experience
with a reoccurring nightmare throughout their life that's haunted them?
- You have? Yes.
What have you been dealing with?
Uh, since I was about 12,
I have a witch that chases me through the woods,
and I get to the edge of a cliff, a cliff,
and I have to jump or I have to face the witch.
- Phew. What do you usually do? - Jump.
- I fucking jump. I fucking jump. - Okay.
Okay, now...
How often do you have this nightmare?
Pretty often. Twice a week, maybe, since I was 12.
- Twice a week? Yeah.
Is this your husband?
Yes, this is my husband, and my 21-year-old, my birthday girl.
Happy birthday.
We don't care for the next five minutes, that's all.
I'm 47, by the way.
- I know. So I don't--
I'm the witch now.
Husband, have you heard about this dream before?
Yes, I have. - Okay.
Does she wake you up out of your sleep? Like, "I had a scary dream"?
Yeah. Or I pick her up from it.
You pick her up?
- She's actively having a night terror? Yeah.
And you pick her up and, what? Just kind of swaddle her?
Where do you pick her up to?
Back on the bed.
Does she fall off the bed? - Yeah.
That's the cliff you're jumping from? Fucking three feet?
Yeah, it's not as dramatic now. It's not as high of stakes. Okay.
Do you ever get a chance to see the witch?
Do they have any distinct features?
The witch usually has a blank face that completely freaks me out.
So the no-face freaks me out, but she's got long silver hair.
Is the witch wearing his hat by chance?
Okay, I just wanted to make sure.
I had a similar nightmare when I was around--
This was actually the experience that made me believe in ghosts.
When I was about 11, we moved into this farmhouse,
in the countryside of Ohio, where I'm from.
This house was 120 years old.
It creeped me out from the day we moved in.
Lived there eight months. The first four, I wouldn't even sleep in my own room.
I slept on my sister's floor because I was terrified of this house.
So after about four months of it,
I moved rooms,
from my room upstairs to downstairs, what was our computer room.
Remember you used to have a computer room?
You're just fighting LimeWire and printing porn all day.
The computer room was like the size of this stage.
It was just enough room for my bed, my dresser, TV stand, and a closet.
I loved how small it was because nothing could hide in there.
You know? It was just my space.
But then, one day...
This still fucks me to this day. It's one of those things.
I don't know if I was dreaming, but I didn't wake up again.
So I'm asleep, I open my eyes, and there's just an old woman,
kind of faceless, but I can still see a mouth.
Frail, like just skin and bones,
and like a black veil dress, and she was dead.
Again, no face, just a mouth, was leaning over me...
If the stool is my face.
...and was just frozen with the face...
Oh my God.
It's one of those things, I don't know--
It had to have been a sleep paralysis,
'cause I could not get my boxers down fast enough.
She was definitely...
She was basically asking for it, you know what I mean? So...
But I'm not... I'm not kidding.
She, at some point, then just stands up,
turns, and walks into my closet.
This is the part that fucks with me. I just started my day.
There was no point I woke up again like, "That must have been a dream."
I remember just getting out of bed and doing my day.
It was one the most terrifying experiences I've ever had.
Then I got on a Ouija board that night, and I was like, "You up?"
"Round two. Ha!"
Oh. But similar circumstance.
Faceless, terrifying woman, kind of sleep-related.
Have you ever faced her? You said you choose to jump every time.
Have you ever turned and been like, "What's up, bitch? Square up"?
Yeah, but there's no face.
- Just no face. - So I jump.
There's no face, so I jump.
You don't have to 'cause she doesn't have a face.
Fucking body shots. You gotta work the liver.
I can't move. I just jump.
Oh, that's terrifying. I'm sorry you deal with that on such a frequent basis.
That's terrifying.
I imagine it interrupts most of your good nights of sleep.
Maybe.
Don't ask him about your sleep.
I'm usually on the floor, paralyzed, if we're still asleep.
She really falls off the bed? - Yeah.
- Sometimes. - Wow. What size bed? You got a king-size?
Yeah. - Okay, yeah.
Women sleep in the middle of the bed, I don't know why you're even concerned.
So selfish.
I wouldn't be surprised because he has to take the sheets back, like, "Eh!"
She's just like...
"Oh, baby!"
"Baby!"
"You had another sleep nightmare."
"You're having a bad dream."
That is fucking perfect. The exact example I'm looking for.
I love this.
Witches are terrifying. I love that stuff.
Thank you for sharing something so specific.
Okay, who has another fun reoccurring nightmare?
I have one sometimes. I'm back here.
Hi. Sorry.
I have one sometimes that my boyfriend is cheating on me.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No.
On behalf of every man here, stop it right now.
I'm so sick of this shit, man.
You get a great night's sleep, no witches or nothing.
You get a great night's sleep. "Good morning, baby."
"Whose baby?"
Okay, so walk me through what he didn't do.
I mean, it's usually an ex or something.
Or maybe someone we know.
I know he didn't do it, but I'm still a little mad.
You know that's crazy, right?
This is him? This is current boyfriend?
Give me an example of a casual dream you have right now.
Something you've dreamed of that you have any memory of.
I don't dream, I smoke weed.
Did you bring enough for the rest of the class?
If he's cheating on you with anybody, it's Mary Jane. That's for everybody.
You know what I mean?
Oh, I love it. I have to do the exact same thing.
Is that why I don't dream?
- Is there a correlation in that? - Yeah.
Oh, fuck! I'm not gonna stop. I'm not gonna.
How often do you have this dream?
Not a lot. Maybe once every week or two.
Hey, man, let's get the fuck out of here.
Let's start you a new life immediately.
Do not torture this man like this.
I don't always bring it up.
That's not the crazy part!
The crazy part is that you have it in the first place.
I promise I will not pry.
Has there been any incident of mistrust between the two of you at any point?
Not him and I, but I've had some crazy shit with men.
So let's not project onto your new relationship.
Man.
She's the witch in his dreams, by the way.
Oh, that-- You poor guy.
He seems nice as hell.
He smokes weed, he don't have the energy to cheat.
Are you kidding?
Weed makes you a lot of things. Hungry, happy, sleepy.
It don't make you cheat.
Listen, Matt.
I've been catfished by, like, someone I met in person.
Wait, hold on. How do you do that?
So I met him,
and he was cute,
we started talking, go on a couple dates--
You realize you making him hear this right now, right?
You asked.
No, I didn't, actually. Actually, I didn't.
Rewind the tape right now. I wanna-- She said...
Listen, Matt.
Listen, Matt. I've been catfished...
I've been catfished.
I know exactly what you're going through.
Dude!
Oh! Okay.
Okay. So you went on a date with a guy, he was cute.
How did he catfish you if you met him already?
Okay. So we go on a couple dates,
and he's like, really talking all this really wonderful thing.
He owns this IT company.
He's a millionaire.
He's balling.
So things are going well, we keep talking,
and then, all of a sudden, you know, I stop hearing from him as much,
and so I do some research.
Oh, right there, shouldn't have done that.
Let's see where it leads.
So, I end up finding his ex-girlfriend, and he--
Did you message his ex-girlfriend?
- So there's a-- - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
No. There's nothing.
It's a yes or no question.
No. She found-- Oh.
Ah!
Witch!
Burn her!
Oh, dude!
You can't take that out on him.
I'm sorry you've had negative experiences in the past,
but if he hasn't done anything, you can't take that out on him.
If you had dreams about past experiences, other people cheating on you, I get that.
Suppressed trauma that maybe didn't get worked out
between you and that person.
But give this motherfucker a chance, please. All right?
Oh, boy.
I wanna ask about one more type of dream.
Only because I've never experienced it. People swear it's a real thing.
I don't have any proof of it.
- Is a wet dream a real thing? Yes.
No, but here's the thing. I don't mean a sexy dream.
Everyone's had hot dreams. You wake up, "That was hot. Let me go back and finish."
But you never go back to the same dream,
so then you're just hard in like Vietnam or something.
You're like, "I swear I was in a different place a couple minutes ago."
So I don't mean just a hot dream.
- I mean has anyone ever had-- I got a good one.
Right in the back there. - One time.
- One time? - One time only.
Okay. When was this experience?
Basic Training.
Okay.
Walk me through this, please.
So, every time before or since, you have a sex dream,
it's very frustrating, it never happens.
You've been chasing the same nut in your sleep the entire time.
You're like that squirrel from Ice Age.
You keep chasing the same one in your dreams.
Trying to get it. - That first one was that good?
Basic Training, I imagine you 18, 19, 20, something like that?
Yeah. - Did you come out of it?
- Or was it in the dream? - No, it came out of it.
You-- "It came out of it."
Hey, shooters are gonna shoot.
- You gotta shoot your shot when you can. - Yeah.
So when you woke up there was just a spot.
Yeah.
I would not like that.
You just wake up, and there's just come on your bed?
I have a roommate,
so my first instinct would be, "This better be mine."
How do you deal with that in Basic Training?
I imagine there's bunks.
Everybody's bunk has to be pristine and clean.
You said what?
- I was on the top bunk. - You were on top bunk? Goddamn it, dude!
Oh!
Your bottom bunkmate just woke up with Halloween decorations on the sides?
Just webbed up.
Okay, okay, okay.
So we know guys have them, which I feel really like I missed out.
Does anyone have a female's perspective on a wet dream?
- You have one? That's why I'm single.
We'll see. We'll see if that's why.
Okay, walk me through this wet dream scenario. What happened?
Um...
The... The family thing. Daddy-daughter.
- Real thing. What?
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Don't just assume like we know the thing. What's--
What is daddy-daughter thing?
- They all knew, just now. - They what?
They all knew. - Who knew?
Everybody. - No.
They gave the same reaction I did,
I promise.
What is the daddy-daughter thing?
Is it a physical relationship with--
No, I've never met my dad.
- Oh, a daddy issue thing. Yeah.
That's not how you say that!
I don't know how to say that.
Are you kidding me?
That's not how you say that.
We all thought you were fucking your dad.
Every single person in here.
Oh my God.
Okay, daddy issue. Got it.
How does that equate to a wet dream?
You wake up and you're...
Phew!
You can't go back to sleep.
Can't go back to sleep?
Because you're so flustered.
You wake up hot and heavy.
Can't go back to sleep without taking care of it.
And then the porn you look up is...
The porn you look up is father-daughter.
Man, we went so far off the tracks.
How does all of this equate to why you're single for a week?
What happened?
Don't look around like he's in here.
Who are you looking for? Joaquin Phoenix from Joker, sit down.
You know what? Here's the thing about this moment right now.
Next time you guys see some haters in my comments going,
"All he does is crowd work. It's so easy."
Is it?
- Is it the easiest shit I could ever do?
Is it just handed to me? No!
Damn it, dude.
Oh my goodness.
Okay. Yes, ma'am.
You raised your hand her whole story. I'm so sorry I didn't call on you first.
I am so sorry.
Yes, ma'am.
So as far as those type of dreams go,
sometimes to get myself to sleep, I may think of other things,
but I was just on a cruise for my birthday,
and my friend really got upset 'cause she said I moaned in my sleep.
I was so disgusted. I was like, "I'm so sorry."
She was like, "You did it in the hotel, you did it loud."
She was like, "I thought you were touching yourself."
I was like, "I was never. I was fast asleep."
Now, was it like-- was it a sexual moan?
Was it like, "Ooh"?
That's what she said it was. - Or was it... [grunts] ...like sleep apnea?
You know how a stepdad snores?
Any recollection what this dream was about?
Like who the co-star may have been?
Who usually crosses your mind?
- It was my ex. Your ex?
Ooh.
That's tough.
Oh, so the dick was good.
Yeah.
That's tough.
Do you-- Do you think he knows you still think about it?
He dropped me off at the airport. - What's that?
- Dropped me at the airport for my cruise. - He dropped you?
Okay.
Let me ask you this.
You don't have to go into specifics if it's bad.
But what did he do that was so bad that it overrode good dick?
He's in the process of getting divorced.
Oh! Wait.
- They're separated. He's getting a divorce?
- They were already separated? Yeah.
By how many inches were they separated?
How long ago was this relationship?
Seven inches.
White or Black?
- He's Black. - Black?
Yeah, he's not seven inches. No.
It's not seven inches.
I don't drop off nobody at the airport.
I got Uber Pool dick at best, dude. You gotta...
We'll have some fun, but you gotta make some stops. You know?
You'll have to converse with a stranger.
Okay. Oh, that's fucking tough. That's tough.
When you would have these wet dreams, were they ever--
You mentioned your friend said you were moaning.
Were they ever to the point of completion?
I don't know. I didn't wanna get that deep into it.
Sounds like he was as deep as humanly possible.
This motherfucker was almost in your subconscious.
Um...
See, that's interesting.
This put it into perspective.
This is always an ongoing debate about, like--
Women always feel like they're more sexual than men,
and you're not. You're not.
You've never jacked off going 85 on the freeway...
...'cause a good song came on, you know what I mean?
Every dude here has tried to beat "Free Bird" in traffic.
We're fucking gross, man.
I don't think there needs to be any competition.
Both parties have wet dreams.
I think we're closer than you think.
I think guys are creepier about how sexual we are,
but I think women are freakier
about how sexual they are.
You ladies are fucking gross, dude.
You guys do too much, man.
You guys do some nasty shit.
You realize we don't even ask you to sometimes?
Fellas, your girl ever do some nasty shit in the bedroom, and you're like, "Ew!"
"Put it back!"
We never wanna discourage you, so we're always like, "I love that shit."
Sometimes we're like, "What the fuck?"
You guys be doing too much, dude.
I think I'm good in bed until I hear what other people are doing.
I don't want any part of that shit at all.
Ladies, I'm gonna say this one time.
One time only.
You leave
our buttholes
alone!
If we want it, we'll fucking ask for it, okay?
I don't know what this invasive TikTok trend
y'all are on now, shut it down.
All right?
You don't sell it well.
If I find out it's one of your techniques, I'll lose my fucking mind.
'Cause it always gets brought up in that situation.
Girls are like, "Well, let me just put a finger in
while I'm giving you head."
"It'll feel so good."
It already feels the best! Okay?
I don't need to blow a hole through the fucking drywall
to prove I had a good time, dude.
It's always a chick with acrylic nails.
Are you fucking crazy?
Are you out of your mind? Keep your Bugle claws out of me, bitch.
You guys know what Bugles are?
I didn't think that reference was gonna land at all.
You guys are white trash, man.
That is...
That is a gas station chip, dude.
Do not put that in your body.
Oh my God. Charlotte, man.
I want to thank you guys for-- for being respectful,
hearing other people's stories.
Everybody who talked to me, thank you for opening up
about personal details of your life that, outside of this environment,
would be absolutely insane to ever talk about.
So thank you.
But I wanted to do this show about dreams
because every single person in this room made my dream come true.
If there's anything I can do to encourage you guys to pursue your dreams,
I hope every single one of them comes true.
This was Netflix's first crowd work special.
I didn't wanna do it anywhere else.
Charlotte, you made my dreams come true.
I can't wait to see what's next.
♪ One-way ticket on a moonlight flight ♪
♪ Boarding as I fall asleep tonight ♪
♪ Till we're together What else can I do? ♪
♪ But shut my eyes And hope my dreams come true ♪
♪ I'll be sweet, sweet, Sweet dreaming of you ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ All night long, our love song ♪
♪ Lasts for hours on and on, oh babe ♪
♪ Who may be Don't shake me ♪
♪ Unless is you I wake to see Oh, love ♪
♪ One-way ticket on a moonlight flight ♪
♪ Boarding when I fall asleep tonight ♪
♪ Till we're together What else can I do? ♪
♪ But shut my eyes And hope my dreams come true ♪
♪ I'll be sweet, sweet Sweet dreaming of you ♪
♪ I'll be sweet dreaming Till it comes true ♪